Dear Mr. Stephen Colbert:
We here at Sunlight all quite enjoyed your mock outrage at the declining level of congressional discourse, as featured here in our original analysis. So glad to have you in on the joke.
You are sooooo right, Stephen: “If we’re paying these clowns, I say we should get something for our money. They should talk in a fancy way that shows more respect for the sacred institutions….”
Amen, Stephen. And while they’re at it, we just don’t see why Congress can’t get its act together and make everyday “National Corvette Day.” Why does it only have to come on June 30? And while they’re at, can’t they get on with making July 30 “National Dance Day” already? And making July 28 “National Day of the American Cowboy”? Talk about gridlock! A real dancing cowboy congress would get on its Corvette and make this biznatch happen.
And yes, Stephen, you are also soooo right about how sad the Founding Fathers must be, since they wrote the Constitution at a 17.8th grade level. As you say, “They used soaring poetic language about freedom so that no one would notice that they had slaves.”
How times have changed! Today, the only slavery we have is to our addictions to constant stimulus. Sorry, were you saying something? There was a new tweet I had to check. Something about Congress getting dumber. Hehehe. Somebody said dumber.
Oh, and Mr. Colbert, one more thing. That fancy sentence of yours at the end of your report: “From now on I want to hear naught but the most refined oratory from the distinguished exemplars of democratic dicta ensconced within our sacrosanct legislative chambers, supercilious lupine pachyderm, for twixt the profligate libertinism of the latitudinarian swarms and the scrupulous helms of the forthright conserveatocracy resides concurrence upon one veritable axiom — if you use big words, no one will know you aren’t doing jack squat.”
For those of you keeping score at home, that was 66 words, 125 syllables, 1 sentence. Grade level: 32.498.
Congratulations, Mr. Colbert. You are the smartest man who EVER lived.